The Grad School Journal: Masters Edition

I have been working on a project this summer specifically for students in 1-3 year graduate programs, called The Grad School Journal: Masters Edition. That is most likely going to be a Masters degree, but it could also be another professional program of some kind. This journal is meant to help provide space to emotionally process the graduate school experience while encouraging goal setting, providing motivation, and guiding the reader through personal and professional development. The Grad School Journal is just a beginning; it is meant to be a helpful addition to one’s life without adding too much of a burden and can be done at your own pace with your own modifications. If you are starting grad school or know some one who is, consider getting this guided journal to help start on the right track. The Grad School Journal is available on Amazon in both print and Kindle forms!

Supervision Thoughts

Throughout grad school you’ll have a variety of supervisors. Each will have their own experiences, needs, and style. Your experience with supervisors will seriously shape your experiences in grad school.

I have been lucky to have some INCREDIBLE supervisors over the years; ones that I have loved to work with and have helped me to grow in ways I could never imagine. They have been supportive and insightful, discerning when I need support and when I need corrective feedback. These supervisors have also cared about me as a person, and made me feel like I was safe, sane, and understood. If you’re lucky enough to have one of these supervisors (one of my supervisors this year appears to be going this way) then take in every minute of that time. Really push yourself to learn and grow in a safe environment. Be honest about your struggles and areas of confusion. This is the time to really lean in.

But what if your supervisor is… not so easy to click with? What do you do when you feel like you’re trapped with a bad supervisor?

There’s a few different things that can happen here. First of all, there is definitely a point where you need to get a new supervisor. Your safety and education are most important. Someone who is abusing their power and bullying you is never okay.

But sometimes you just have a bad fit. And that’s frustrating, especially when your peers have a supervisor they really get on with. I have a supervisor like that this year, too, just at a different practicum site. Here’s what I say to that: know what you can handle, consult with your school representative as needed, and make sure your requirements are being met. At the end of the day, sometimes we just need a warm body to get the hours required by our program. Is it ideal? No. But rely on the support in your program and from your peers. Be willing to learn from each other, and you can make up for some of your supervision woes.

As for the supervisor themself? Be kind, be respectful, work hard, and try to take their feedback with grace. It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about you learning and making an effort to grow as a professional. The reality is they’re responsible for you on their license. They can still give you good marks etc. when you feel like it’s a bad fit. Don’t let them ruin your year or keep you from getting the hours you need. Advocate for yourself when necessary (I had to do this the other day–it sucks but it’s does make a difference when you are respectful but firm).

What are your best tips for working with supervisors? How do you know if someone your working with is a good fit? Let me know below!

Year 2

Well, it’s finally happened: summer is officially over, and I am officially a 2nd year in my program.

This summer was a wonderful couple of months of recharging. Essentially all I did was work, prepare my dissertation proposal, go to Disney, and spend time at home with my friends and family. It was the longest break between classes that I’ve had in over 3 years, and I could feel my heart returning to myself. I’m still tired, but not quite so burnt out as before and for that I am beyond grateful. But now summer has ended, and I am officially into my 2nd week of 20th grade!

There are a lot of nice things about no longer being the new cohort; I can be a TA, I have first year mentees, I know my way around campus, I am able to do more clinical work again, I have relationships with the professors and my peers, I’m settled into my living conditions… I feel like I have a place here in California, and it is so comforting to have that.

But 2nd year a notorious in my program for being busy. I’m anxious for that and being put to the rest academically and professionally. I have a public school placement to administer assessments (that I learned how to do a year ago with no opportunity to practice since) where my results will have a real impact in the life of a child, I am a TA for the first time in my life, I am still at my other on-campus job, I am proposing in October, I have normal classes, I will be seeing adult clients and have to figure out a new system of notes, emergency protocols, etc., and I am learning two new modalities.

These are all good things, but they’re keeping me in a constant state of business and feeling overwhelmed. I keep reminding myself of the good (like getting back to my true love: clinical work), and the beautiful benchmark that I will be receiving a MA at the end of this year, which will officially make me a MAMA.

I am excited for this year and all it has to hold. It will definitely help me to grow personally and professionally. For the first time I set some academic school year resolutions (anyone else do this??) that I will be writing about later, and I am eager to see how they play out. I’m proud of my work and am thankful for my support system who encourages and supports me in this wild endeavor. I am hoping that as I write out the good things it will help me to feel balanced, to remember the reasons why I’m here and to show me the light at the end of the program.

So, here’s to a new school year, new goals, new challenges, and strengthening the foundations that I’ve already built. I hope that wherever you’re at in your program you can find inspiration to keep going and motivation to stay on top of work and feeling positive about your journey.

LDR: Tips & Apps

Something that has been a part of my grad school story is dating. I met my boyfriend during my M.A. program while I was applying for doctorate programs. Much to my amazement, this wonderful man was the first one who encouraged me to attend my current program because he knew it would be an amazing opportunity–even though it meant I ended up moving 1,000 miles away. He helped me pack, he comforted me when I said goodbyes to loved ones. He even made the drive with me in one shot, and then he helped me unload and unpack everything in the middle of the night when my electric company turned on the wrong apartment’s power. He wasn’t grumpy about it, he was patient, kind, and supportive. He made where I am today possible; I could not have done it without him and I am so thankful. And now we’re doing long distance, which has been a new and challenging and rewarding road all of its own.

While we have a long ways to go on this LDR journey, I wanted to take some time today to share what’s worked for us and what I’ve learned.

1. Communication is key: if you feel like you and your partner need to work on your communication skills, and LDR will really highlight this. Talk about how you give and receive affection with one another. Make efforts to connect in some way every single day (even if it’s just a 10 minute phone call check in).
2. Effective Care Packages don’t have to be big or all the time. For example, my boyfriend occasionally sends me really thoughtful packages filled with goodies! I can’t really afford to send a large package (getting all the goodies, paying the shipping cost, etc.) so I do my own versions by sending him monthly cards, making a monthly playlist, and occasionally sending him gifts through amazon!

Go on dates. Yes, dates. Make a date jar of ideas for how you can spend an evening together and pull one out once a week. Something we love to do is buy ingredients to make the same meal, then we FaceTime and cook together and eat together. Some other options for date night include: movie nights, be fitness accountability partners, watch a show together, read a book together, and play games long distance together.

Count down timers are great ways to make time apart feel shorter. Always know the next time you’re going to see your partner; if there’s a possibility you’ll see them sooner that’s cool too, but set the timer for the set in stone days of reunion. Everything else will just be a bonus.

Be proactive and open with your partner. I make an effort to connect with my boyfriend every day, and I don’t expect it to be sunshine and roses all the time. When I’m having a horrible day, I tell him and vice versa. We comfort each other. When I get really exciting news (even if it’s small) I share that joy with him and we can celebrate together. I want him to feel involved and informed on my life: he knows my goals, who my new friends are down here, and my stresses. When we miss each other extra we build in an extra date to help. We aren’t mind readers, so we’re committed to being open and honest about where we’re at so whatever comes up can be experienced together.

Airport days get easier. They always suck. Always. I’m not going to lie about that. But the more you do it, and when you know when you’ll be together next, it feels a lot less heartbreaking each time you get through it.

Find someone who has done long distance before. I can’t tell you how much I have learned from people who have been in LDRs before me or are also currently in one. Whether or not they worked out in the long run, I have learned so much about communication, tips, and found comfort in community. This is honestly such a must and important support for our relationship that I didn’t realize I’d lean on so heavily.

Finally, there’s some practical apps, websites, etc. that you can use to help you connect with your LDR partner. Here are some of my favorites:

• Rabb.it is a website/app that allows you to watch movies and TV shows together long distance without having to sync up pressing play etc. You can make private groups and rooms to watch things together and it includes a chat and microphone option to hear the others watching. It can be finicky, but it’s getting better with each update!
• Marco Polo is a wonderful app that lets you video chat with people. You can make group chats or just talk to one person. It saves the videos and lets you save videos (your own or another’s) to your phone. It also tells you when people are watching live which is fun! It’s like a step up from texting and snapchat.
• Social media. Talk to each other across platforms: IG, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, tumblr, Reddit, etc. Share what you like and see so they can experience it all with you!
• Try out LDR specific apps like Between. They’re cute and a fun way to keep track of anniversaries, photos, and important events.
• If you and your partner like playing games together, try different ways of screen sharing or find an online place to play games together as a means of quality time. There are tons out there, so find one that works for you!

This has been a long post with lots of information, so if you made it this far thanks for sticking with me! If you have any other LDR tips, tricks, or resources please share them here! I’m sure I’ll be making more posts about relationships in the future and would love to learn more for myself.

Facing Nostalgia

How do you want to grow this summer, what are your goals? 🌿🌻☀️

I used to be very good at sitting in the stillness and the silence. I’d soak up the here and now, take time to appreciate the moment. But since I moved? Not so much.

I’m finding myself very nostalgic for times of wonder, joy, and curiosity. These times are typically burned into my mind through the places I’ve traveled 🌎 and the friends I’ve found genuine connection with👯‍♀️; this #tbt picture represents that to me.

I recognize that it is a blessing to have the support of my community and to have such wonderful humans in my life, as not everyone can say such things. Yet it makes it harder for me being far away; I fill the time I would have spent going on adventures with My People with jobs, homework, research, busywork… it makes me terrified for the summer because for the first time in forever I will be forced to look up and acknowledge that things have changed. 🆘

I want to spend my time this summer reconnecting. With the silence, the here and now, exploration, solo adventures with God. ✝️ Things I used to do a lot better. As I think of how I want to shape my summer (although it doesn’t officially start until June), I am hopeful to recapture some of what’s been driving me to homesickness and nostalgia. While my life is different, and sitting in that discomfort scares me, I will strive to embrace the changes and openly settle into my new life—without as much constant chaos to district me. We’ll see how it goes.

Prevention Work

This week I got to work with high schoolers providing education and information around human trafficking as a prevention effort in the community.

Now if you know me, you know I love high schoolers so this was absolutely the best day for me. It was so much fun getting to be a part of this day and to see students wanting to learn and caring about this important issue!

They went through different stations so to speak, so we had a bunch of small groups meeting. I led a discussion on resilience: defining it, providing examples, and discussing the important role it plays in the lives of survivors.

It made me to hyped. I get such life and joy from working with high school students. I couldn’t imagine a better way to give me a boost before finals begins for spring semester.

I also got to go to a baseball game that was WILD from start to finish (game didn’t end until after 11:00) with a bunch of friends from my cohort and my roommate which was just a wonderful time and day.

This week has really taken a turn for the better that I needed in my life and I am so excited to take advantage of the better mood and circumstances that I’m in now. Maybe there’s something about Holy Week that brought out the good in the world.

I don’t have class today because it is Good Friday, and I am hoping to use this day to get back down to business and see a friend. I’m thankful for Jesus and who He is extra this week especially, and I’m hoping that I can celebrate His death and resurrection with joy and full attention.

Supporting Peers

Okay this is really on my heart today as I just came from a pretty brutal group supervision today, and we recently had student government elections that my peers were running in. It’s been rough, and apparently you can tell. As one of my professors put it today:

You guys are usually buzzing with energy at the beginning of class and today you’re all looking like zombies… are you okay?

And that’s the Big Question, isn’t it? Are you okay? As I’m pondering all of this in consideration of my peers–the harsh comments, lost elections, the general lack of encouragement– I am wondering how to best support those around me.

Sometimes it gets so easy to get lost in my own anxiety, my own assignments, my own agenda, that it is easy to overlook those beside us. Being in a cohort model especially, I am not as concerned about the competitive nature that could easy consume grad students. This gives me a unique opportunity to think about those around me and how I can possibly throw a lifeline to someone.

Now, you all know I’m a broke grad student who can’t be buying everyone a round of pick-me-up coffee. But that doesn’t mean I am helpless! This week I am going to commit to doing something nice for someone in my cohort. And if it goes well, maybe I will continue to do this once a week until the end of the school year! I’d like to invite you all to join in with me and find someone in your life who you can show a little extra support. You never know what small act of kindness can turn into someone’s lifeline.

Here’s some FREE nice things you can do for someone this week:

• Write them a note of encouragement
• Give your peers a genuine compliment (on their work, appearance, etc.)
• Ask someone how they are and mean it–make time to have this conversation well

Send someone a positive text if you notice they’re a little off

Offer to edit someone’s paper if they want a second set of eyes

Write someone you’ve worked with a recommendation on LinkedIn

Try to include the human who gets left out of conversations and events

Send an email of gratitude to a mentor or professor who is important to you

Try to be electronic free when having conversations with people this week

Invite someone to study or eat or take a break with you

We all need a little boost now and then (or often). Think about the people who have made a difference in your life during school and how you can pay it forward.

Got something else to add to my list of random acts of kindness? Share them in the comments! 💖

Just made some other social media accounts for this blog, feel free to check it out!

IG: @theyounggradstudent

Twitter: @gradu8student

Tumblr: @theyounggradstudent

On Countertransference

Right now I am really struggling with this. I am having the most extreme case of countertransference of my (albeit short) career. Truthfully, if I wasn’t in training and had the option to, I would consider transferring.

But, I’ve been having a lot of supervision and got one excellent piece of advice that I thought I’d pass along in hopes of helping someone else:

If the countertransference is too strong and you can’t delve into the primary emotions of the client, choose a secondary one that you can access yourself and work on deepening affect in that way.

Anyways, I hope that this helps someone else out there. It’s certainly made my situation more manageable.

On Coping and Studying: New School Personalities

This semester has been really interesting for me. My new cohort’s culture is so different from my last–largely because of the different age range (my age-early 30’s) and life stages (ex: only one person has a kid, who just turned one). This has made me aware of some new personalities (so to speak) that can come out for younger people when starting grad school, which are as follows:

1. I Have to Prove Myself

This one is definitely where I was when I started grad school–I was self conscious about my age and so worked hard to earn the respect and approval of my peers. This personality is a type of overachiever, a humble-bragger, stubborn, and individualistic. This personality can be great at providing resources for others and providing encouragement to their peers who doubt themselves.

2. Fake It Til You Make It

This type of person is also an overachiever and may be insecure, compare themselves to others, and struggle reaching out for help when they need it. They work hard to keep up appearances and want to be viewed as an example. This personality is great at getting things started, tackling new challenges, and maintaining a positive outlook.

3. Can We Panic Now?

This type of person likely feels overwhelmed, but rather than hiding it like the Fake It Till You Make It or I Have To Prove Myself personalities, they vocalize their concerns in potentially chaotic manners. Every hill feels like a mountain, and validation can come from commiserating with others. This person helps balance the group and feels that wherever people are at should be accepted.

4. Band of Brothers

This type of person is all about the group. They’re usually pretty social and can be a motivator in the group. They focus on the relationships and sometimes may get lost or behind in their own work while the process of trying to save someone else. The group is family, and needs shouldn’t be met outside the group unless absolutely necessary. This person is great at encouraging people and boosting group morale.

5. Smile and Wave

This kind of person might not always be up to date with what’s going on, but they aren’t necessarily mad about it either. They try their best and get things done, even if they aren’t sure how they ended up in school or passing assignments in the first place. This personality is similar to the Fake It Till You Make It person, but is okay if they don’t stand out too much from the crowd. They care more about the final product than the process. This personality is great at showing people that the point is they did their job to the best of their ability, regardless of how the got there.

Perhaps some of these descriptions sound a little harsh–please know that was not my intent. These personalities are just some of the ways I’ve noticed people cope with beginning graduate school (particularly those of us who are younger). Maybe one of these you identify strongly with, maybe several of them, or maybe none at all. Maybe you’ve noticed a different type of personality that comes out in the beginning of grad school. Regardless, I’d love to hear where you’re at, because Wherever you are at in grad school is okay. Just being self aware can help you navigate and settle into things better. This has certainly been true of myself. Going into year 3 of graduate work, albeit year 1 in a new program, I feel more confident about myself and have transitioned back into my more natural idgaf what you think I’m not hiding myself, work smarter not harder ways (and I’m much happier here to be honest). At the end of the day, what’s most important is that I am happy with myself and my relationships with God and others. May we all strive to support each other as we work towards this type of contentment.

Just a Thought

Counselors and Therapists out there: I know you guys love phone calls because they’re more confidential and can take less time than emails (although that’s certainly debatable) but here’s the thing. Not everybody has time to call you in between your sessions. Not everybody likes phone calls.

In fact, phone calls can make me really anxious if I’m having a bad day and sometimes I just don’t have it in me to make them. Especially if your email is already out there/how someone originally contacted you, start with email.

And if you don’t have an email available for potential clients, do your anxious clients a favor make one so they don’t have to play phone tag with you, worrying about the phone call or message they left and if they’re misremembering or forgetting any information.

That is all, thank you.

Things to Ask Grad Students This Holiday Season Instead of “How’s school going?” Or “When do you graduate?”

Y’all those questions are stressful and can remind us that our lives are a wreck. Here’s some more productive questions you can ask the grad student in your life instead:

1. Did you travel anywhere for research this year?
2. Who’s your favorite professor?
3. Where do you think your field will be in five years?
4. Does your department have any unsolved mysteries, weird quirks, or is it potentially haunted?
5. What is your favorite and least favorite thing about school?
6. Do you have a bucket list of things to do in the city your school’s located in?
7. If you had unlimited funding what would you do?
8. If you had to change careers, what would you choose?
9. What do you do for fun outside of school?
10. Does your program do anything fun together?
11. Do you have some recommendations or ways for me to learn more about your field?
12. Are there any old wives tales about your field?
13. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened since you started your program?
14. Tell me about your research project and how you got interested in it?
15. Who do you look up to in your field or program?
16. Is there anything you need right now (i.e. a snack or more alcohol)?

Be kind to your grad students this season, they’re probably very stressed and very tired.

Be kind to everyone this season, they’re probably very stressed and very tired (and don’t want to talk about deciding on a career or when they’ll get married or when they’ll have kids etc.).

Happy early thanksgiving everyone! 🍁🦃🍂

This post was inspired by cancerbiophd.tumblr.com

Self-Advocacy

There are a lot of things that I’m learning right now living on my own and at grad school; one of the biggest things I’m learning is about self-advocacy.

Now let me say this upfront: I do not like self-advocacy as it feels too much like conflict. By no means at i good at it yet. And I think that’s okay because I am certainly trying my best and I know I will get better at it as time goes on.

I think that I had several misconceptions going into this program. The first relating to the way my transfer items worked out (although I have some rising concern that I might be missing a form) as I had no say in the matter and was more or less guided through the process. This is not the case for forming my dissertation committee or beginning my 80-odd hour didactic therapy requirement.

Let’s face the fact that the transition to life on my own and 1,000 miles away from home has been very difficult for me. For the first third of the semester I was such a wreck that I couldn’t do much of anything–even take competency exams for assessments–without extreme anxiety. Unfortunately for me this makes it a double whammy that I need to seek out these two crucial elements to the program on my own while trying to get a job and licensure going.

But excuses are lame so I’ve spent the last couple of weeks building courage in myself. Or maybe rather I’ve gotten more accustomed to the anxiety and am able to Do The Things Anyways now when I couldn’t before. Regardless, I’m starting to tackle 2/3 of my Big Scary Tasks this week: talking to my academic advisor about figuring out what to take next semester and starting didactic therapy. My advisor is kind and wonderful, so he seemed like an easier way to start and build courage rather than blindly approaching professors and hoping they’ll help me do my research (which I’m having to adjust slightly, so I need to do more background research before I approach people anyways).

All in all though sending that email to meet with my advisor was terrifying for me to my very core. As small of a thing it may be for someone else. So I want to encourage you to take time to center yourself, pick one of the many mountains in front of you, and start climbing it. No matter how big or small it may appear in someone else’s eyes, it’s your mountain to conquer and that important and worth celebrating the achievements along the way. That is my prayer for everyone going into this week; courage, confidence, and centeredness. May you find it wherever you’re starting at and wherever you go.

New Year, New School, New Cohort

I’ve started school! It’s been great so far and I am really enjoying my new cohort. It’s odd being with students closer to my own age again, but refreshing. Everyone is from all over and has been so kind and welcoming (a culture shock to this Seattleite used to The Freeze).

I have two mentors from the cohorts above me, who have been very kind and gracious to meet with me and share their advice. I’ve already made connections with several staff members who embody the balance between professional and vulnerable/genuine. I am supposed to be hearing back about transfer credits this upcoming week.

Until then, I’m currently enrolled in seven classes and everyone is already working their butts off to do well (especially in stats, apparently all of us are scared of math lol).

My LMHCA in WA is finally in the pending bracket, and hopefully will be pushed to full soon so that I can begin the transfer process.

I have several job opportunities coming my way, particularly one on campus having to do with graduate admissions that I am excited about. One job won’t be enough, but if I can get my APCC I think it would be a perfect match so I can have two jobs and slowly work towards licensure.

It’s hard being away from home, I get lonely and still struggle to find introvert time. Poor grad student has taken on a new meaning as my roommate/best friend (how lucky am I to have a friend who would move 1,000 miles away with me??) and I have lived off of eggs and rice and sat on the floor until we finally got a couch not even a week ago. But all that being said I am feeling really grateful and blessed. Things seem to be falling into place for the most part and I am happy to be on this adventurous journey. God has clearly ordained my steps and set me on this path, I am faithful that He will continue to guide and look after me in the months and years to come.

Licensure

If someone reminds me later I’ll post my walk covered in various to do lists. Including for licensure (for WA associates, then CA associates, then finally for full licensure).

But basically here’s how things have to go for me:

1. Complete MA in Washington
2. Obtain LMHCA from the WA Department of Health (including paperwork, 4 hours of AIDS education, transcripts, etc.)
3. After (and only after) step 2, I can begin to work with CA’s Board of Behavioral Sciences and apply for my APCC
4. Once the BBS reviews my application, and acknowledges my license from WA’s DOH, they will tell me exactly what needs to be remediated to be awarded the APCC license (without my LMHCA I have to do more remediating work)
5. Once I remediate all of those things, and get my APCC, I can begin to work towards full-licensure in the state of CA (mostly including obtaining hours and passing the NMHCME)

• This is the short version. Each step has many little steps included. But it feels nice to make progress and have an understanding of it all finally.
• Oh, and did I mention that I will be submitting all of my LMHCA materials tomorrow? 😜🎉